I'm My Own Worst Enemy
by soeki
Summary: ORIGINAL PLOT/ OCs/ 628 C.E. - Celestial Era - A young woman struggles with being drafted into the war between SGATH and the Providence. Not only does she find herself battling on the front line, but also an internal battle with Schizophrenia and Romance.
1. Introduction: The Girl

AUTHOR NOTE - This is a complete AU Gundam Story, has nothing to do with any characters or events in Gundam SEED or Gundam SEED: Destiny. I didn't know where else to post it. Most Concepts are taken from Gundam SEED such as Coordinators and Naturals and their struggle. Technology is going to be simplified, because writing about them is too difficult. So, please enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't know Gundam SEED or anything of the like. Any similiarities are not to be taken as MY ideas. Only characters and plot belong to me. Thanks! (This is the only time I'm writing one of these!

NOTES - NOA is neutral. Providence is Naturals. SGATH is Coordinators. Just so you know. :)

* * *

"_Introductions: The Girl_

**_BESIDE YOU - Marianas Trench  
_**_- "And the words you want are out of reach, but they've never been so loud"_

* * *

**628 C.E. July 3 - Victoria Mental Asylum, Victoria, BC, Canada. - NOA**

It's like any other day in the Institute. Quiet and still, just how she likes it. It means the war has yet to reach the West Coast. Naturally, staying closer to the Middle East rather then Canada. It still unnerves her, having a non-neutral nation so close to NOA (United States - Providence). The war has been at its peak for years. At least since she had been about four years of age and living with her 'loving' family.

She scrunches up her face and grits her teeth only to reform her concrete barrier. If there is one thing she does not need right now is to remember them. Of course, in the Institute, she is safe from them and what they subjected her to. What they made her into.

You see, she is what they call a "Coordinator". About one hundred and twenty-five years ago, a group of scientists known as S.G.A.T.H. – meaning Scientist's for Greater Advancement in Technology and Humanity – created something that no one would've dreamt of in their wildest dreams. A Coordinator. A human with personalized qualities and skills, with advanced learning abilities then the average human being. With that one human they began creating more and more. And before they knew it, the S.G.A.T.H. was taken over by Coordinators and created a completely separate Colony of human beings. The SGATH (*pronounced as read) colony complete with a majority of the Coordinators, which contained thirty-two percent of earth's population. Forty-six percent contained the Naturals, a part of the Providence Colony which believes solely that the Coordinators are abomination's and insults to life. And the remaining twenty-two percent are belonging to a few Rebel Colonies that are loosely tied to the neutral Colony of N.O.A. (*NOA: pronounced No-ah) – meaning Neutral Organization of Agreement. It has been a long time since the earth was divided in war.

Back to the institute. It's about one in the afternoon. Her lunch is to arrive soon, along with her friend and personal psychiatrist, Lisa Rhodes. Dr. Rhodes is the institutes leading Psychiatrist, only meeting with the most problematic Coordinators in the building. This is no Institute, she knew that, it was an Insane Asylum. She turns to the door just as there was a beeping sound, Lisa has arrived. The door slid open, and there she stood with the tray of food in hand and walks in. Placing it at the table, Lisa turns to the other occupant in the room, smiled and waved her over to the other seat she wasn't currently sitting in.

She stands and walks to the table. A calm look on her face and looks to her food. A purely vegan meal, just what she liked. She slowly smiles, looks to Lisa and sits down. She knows Lisa wants to talk.

"Ah, hello miss, how has your day been?" Lisa jokes. She always jokes, because she knows it acceptable here, with her, because she trusts Lisa.

"Quiet. You know that." She smiles more profoundly. It still doesn't quite reach her eyes. A fake smile, indeed.

Lisa nods knowingly. She always wants it quiet. Quiet means its safe. Dr. Rhodes writes down some things on her chart regarding her behaviour. She was normal. As normal as a Schizophrenic young woman can get, at least.

"Tania, I see you have been painting again. Mind telling me about the inspiration? Has something happened or perhaps, a memory triggered it? It isn't a very pleasant looking scene," Dr. Rhodes noticed the easel in the corner, and just as mentioned a painting sat upon it.

The painting was disturbing. No, it was morbid. It depicted a room, much like a morgue, covered in red substance. Blood.

Tania turns to her painting. She agrees It's very unnerving to see, "It's kind of both. It was in my dream." She said nothing more on the matter. She dislikes speaking much.

"I see," Dr. Rhodes nods and writes down another note. Afterwards, she puts the clipboard aside, gently, and looks at Tania, about to question her on another matter. Something she was unsure of bringing up. "Tania, I-"

"I need more red paint," Tania states, bluntly. "I've run out." She stares blankly back at Lisa.

"Okay, I'll get some more for you, but I have something I need to bring up with you." Lisa waits for a reaction, gets none and proceeds, "I'm being relocated to a space colony."

Tania noticeably flinched. She was being abandoned! By the only person she trusted, she starts breathing deaply, worry on her face. An emotional response. Something she barely attributes towards people.

"Calm down, please, I've asked for you to be transferred aswell." Dr. Rhodes commented quickly, noticing the much younger girls sudden response to the news. Lisa knows she can't leave her here in the care of someone else. "The request has been given to the board, and they've approved the transfer. I have sent in a request to get you to travel with me. Although, I don't know if it is possible, being a high-risk patient."

Tania did calm down. Her features relaxed into her serene look. Her breathing slowed to normal, and nods her assent. Although a little unsure about traveling to space, she's always been on earth, what would space be like?

"We will leave next week, is this okay with you?" Lisa looked uncertain with Tania's reaction.

"Yes," Tania said simply, "I still get my paint?"

Dr. Rhodes smiled. How one track minded Tania was. "Of course, I can go now and be back in twenty minutes if you'd like."

Tania only nods. She is hoping to continue her next painting. She needed more red paint.

Lisa gets up. Heading to the she turns, noticing Tania beginning to eat her lunch, slowly, carefully and with purpose. "See you in a bit."

She looks up from her food, and looks to her food again. A salad. No meat. She hates meat. It makes her sick.

The door made a swoosh sound and it closes. Leaving Tania in the white room, to her lunch and the impending thoughts on moving to a space colony. Although some would find this exciting, Tania is indifferent. Her condition has left her with a diffused emotional response to most anything.

* * *

The next half hour was spent in silence, upon Lisa's return, the tray was empty, and Tania is sitting on her bed, legs crossed staring at the windowless wall across from her. It was still silent.

"I've brought you your paint. And more canvas, I noticed you have three left, I'd hate to see you run out." Lisa smiled and placed the stuff down by her easel. "Have you been thinking of things? Anything to talk about?"

Tania turned to her right, looking at Lisa, "Not really."

'It's sad.' Lisa thought. 'She is so shy, quiet and introverted, she should learn to talk more.'

"I'd like to talk about something. Have you been contacted at all by your family?" Tania flinched, "Are they at all concerned about you? You've never told me about them."

"I don't like them, much," Tania whispered. So quietly, Lisa had to stain to hear her.

"You don't like them, much? Why?" Lisa pressed on, Tania never said anything about them, this is the first time she had acknowledged the conversation topic about her parents. Her family. What were they like? Are the like? Are they even still alive?

Silence. Tania said nothing, but looked away from Lisa with – was that shame? She was ashamed? 'Her parents must not be very good people'

Lisa looked to the clock and sighed. It was 2:30, time for her to go get her own lunch. "Tania, I will see you at dinner, I have lunch and other patients to see afterwards. Okay?"

Nod.

With a sigh, Dr. Lisa Rhodes left the young woman in her room for the second time today. Walking to her office she picks up her jacket from the back of her chair and slips it over her shoulders, buttoning it. She then grabs her purse from the desk and leaves the room. Walking down the expanse of hallway, she views the various paintings and drawings framed along the walls. A vast majority being the pleasant paintings that Tania had painted over the years. The very small amount of sceneries, people and animals she had commited to memory from the picture books she had read as a child.

Dr. Rhodes has not met someone quite like Tania. She was the same as most of her other patients, yet she was different all the same. She was special. Lisa had been a psychiatrist for the best part of her forty-five years of life. She met Tania when she was eight. It had been ten years and Tania grew to be a beautiful young woman. A shame. She will spend the rest of her life in a NOA Mental Asylum. Never improving enough to leave.

Why Tania was there, she didn't know. What had she done? Surely she could've learned to function properly over ten years? Why did someone give up on her?

She was not briefed on that. It was a closed case.

Lisa made a last turn entering the glass elevator and dropping from the sixth floor to ground level in twenty seconds. Exiting she gave a curt nod to the front desk secretary, who looked up as the elevator doors opened. She smiled back and continued work.

As Lisa stepped out of the front door, towards the parking lot she heard something

"WHO?"

Someone was questioning, who? She turned only to be blinded by the sun. How forgetful, she reached into her purse squinting. There were no windows in the building. No natural light, how she forgot about the sun being out this afternoon. She pulled a pair of sunglasses, placing them over her eyes, she looked again.

An owl? During the day?

Bad omen.

* * *

**END - **

**Okay, that was just an introduction. Tania is the main character, if you haven't guessed, you will learn more about her later, but now is just a bit of a teaser. I'm still working on it, but tell me what you think. R/R**

**:) - soeki**


	2. Chapter 1: The Change

Hello, Enjoy! :)

* * *

_"Chapter 1: The Change"_

**_Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap_**

**_- "Where are we? What the hell is going on?" -_**

* * *

The week passed by too quickly for my liking. I have to get moving. I have to pack my things. I don't like this. Not one bit. I've lived in this room – this single, white room – for so long. I enjoy my monotony.

No longer.

Lisa is coming to get me. She's told me we are leaving at three this afternoon. It's already two-thirty. I don't want to go. I have to go with this guard, in this single carriage pod inside the space shuttle. Sounds suffocating to me.

Done. Everything is packed.

I sit myself down on my soft, yet crisp, white sheets. All tucked nicely in proper order. Order is good. Monotony is good. Familiarity is what I want. I don't like change very much. It took me long enough to adjust here. To trust someone. To trust Dr. Rhodes. She's the only person I can trust. Everyone else, cannot be trusted. I've learned. Yes, the only good thing my parents ever taught me. I couldn't trust them, no one else deserves to be trusted.

It's three. Lisa should be here soon. Any second.

_Beep-beep._ The door slid open, hiding itself in the wall. Trust Dr. Rhodes to be here at exactly three. She looks sad. No. Nervous? Why is she nervous? Is she nervous for me?

"Hello Tania. Are you ready?" Her sweet tone hit my ears. If I could compare her to something I'd say she'd be a mother. A real mother. Not like mine. No, that would be insulting to claim Lisa to be like her.

I nod. _'Yes, ready as I'll ever be.'_

She gives me a sad smile and gestures someone forward. There was someone behind her? Why hadn't I noticed? I see now, he's dressed in head-to-toe white. Like the walls. He blends in. I don't like him. I've never seen him before. He's probably in his thirties. Slight wrinkles by his small piercing eyes, thin lips and a large nose adorned his face. He had his hair shaved close. He's carrying things. What is he carrying? A jacket? The arms are so long. Are those, straps? With buckles? '_Lisa? What is he doing?'_

"I don't need a jacket." My words came out in a jumble, he approached me with determination written on his face. I jump off the bed, he has a purpose here, and who are those others? When did they come in? He puts the – equipment is a good word – equipment where I had just been sitting and turns to one of the other men and nods. Why is he nodding? Why won't he say something? What do they want? What are they planning?

The other man in the room jumps at me, grabbing my arm. "LET GO OF ME!" I scream, attempting to wrench my hand out of his grasp. Leave me alone! What? What does that nurse have? A needle? What is in it? Are they killing me? Oh no. They are going to kill me!

My free arm swings out, I catch the guy holding my trapped arm in the jaw. His grip in concrete, the other man grabs my free arm. Trapped.

"DON'T! YOU'RE GOING TO KILL ME! HELP! LISA? HELP ME! PLEASE THEIR KILLING ME!" I scream. Lisa looks at her feet. She's not helping me? I – I –I tr- "I TRUSTED YOU, LISA! YOU'VE PLANNED THIS! YOU WERE GOING TO KILL ME ALL ALONG! I CAN'T TR-"

I felt the poke then something went into my veins. I could feel it. I was dying. My arms started to numb. I got dizzy, light headed. What kind of chemical did they use? Why so merciful? It's a painless death. I can't feel my body. My head lolls forward. My knees give out, the men are holding me up. Why can I still see? Think? I can't feel.

"I'm s-s-sorry. It -it was a sedative. You won't die. I p-promise," someone whispered. It was far away. '_Lisa? You could've told me, Lisa.'_ She sounds like she's crying. Crying? Why? Did they hurt her? Did these people who hurt me hurt her?

No. It was me. Oh no. I should apologize. My tongue, though, is numb. I can't speak.

_'I'm sorry.'_

I'm placed in a wheelchair. They wheel me down the hallway. I still can't move. I'm still numb. Lisa, I still trust you. I'll apologize when I can. Promise.

I'm in a straight jacket, my knees, legs, feet are all strapped together. Is this muzzle necessary? I must look odd. A neck brace? Why a neck brace? I can't move my head from side to side. My arms. They seem they may cramp, once the feeling comes back. Certainly, I will get the feeling back?

My toes are tingling. I can move them? '_Yes, the feeling will come back.'_

Do I want it to? Rather I am numb for the rest of my life.

I haven't left this room for so long. A good ten years. These paintings on the wall look familiar. They're very good. Perhaps I saw them in a book? No, those are mine? Why are my paintings everywhere? Are they all there? Lisa said she'd keep them all. No one better of taken them. Ruined them. They're good, and they're mine. They belong to me.

_'When I'm better I'll come back for them.'_

We turn a corner and enter a glass room. Everyone is silent. I like that. The nurse who gave me the needle is pushing me, the man I don't like, is carrying my things. He better not be taking them. Lisa, can you carry my things? I'd feel better. Oh, she probably thinks I don't like her, so she's not touching my things.

Did the room just shift? We're falling! Oh no I'm going to die! My breathing speeds up, getting shallow, I feel my face heat up. This strained whimper comes up from the back of my throat. I look back and forth. Why aren't they scared? I feel a hand on my shoulder, its small and warm. I go to turn my head, the neck brace stops me. I think its Lisa. She leans into view. Yes, it is her. Good. I calm down. She must know it's going to be alright. I'm safe.

The room stops moving. Good. I didn't enjoy that. The door slides open again and we exit. I don't want to be in there again. People in this – lobby is it? – lobby are giving me apprehensive looks. They're afraid. I would be, too. I look absolutely threatening.

They wheel me to the front door. Outside, it's really bright. It's bright inside,too, but it seems to be shining. The sun must be out. I've yet to see the sun in ten years. The wheels click on the tiles and we approache the doors. They open and a small breeze runs through my matted hair. This air is so, clean, and cool. It feels nice. Calming. I inhale deeply, and notice us approaching a metal pod. It's a car if I remember correctly.

_'No I don't want to go in there.'_ I see trees. Real trees. I want to touch them. I don't remember what they feel like.

The man places me in the back of the black car. Its clean on the inside. And he secures me. I still can't feel anything, why? I want to feel. Lisa climbs in and takes the seat next to me, the man sits up front in the driver's seat. I hope he is a good driver. The car starts up and moves slightly. We are leaving the parking lot. I can look out the window, and I see all the trees, hills and small buildings, large buildings and skyscrapers fall into view quite a distance away. We are driving away from them. To the NOA military base apparently. At least that's where I was told we were leaving at.

Music softly flows through the confined metal imprisonment, the car. It annoys me. I want it to be quiet. I don't like music at all, it's nothing but noise. Irritating and distracting. It's all that it's good for. They are trying to make me angry, so they can justify binding me to this wheelchair. Yes, that is exactly what they are doing, but I won't let them win.

_'No. I won't let them win at all.'_

"Ten more minutes, Dr. Rhodes, and we will be at the base. The shuttle leaves at four-thirty right?" that aggravating man asked, breaking what silence I could obtain in vain. His voice is gruff, I note.

"Yes, John, four-thirty." Lisa responded. You didn't have to, Lisa.

So, his name is John? How normal. Good. Normal is good.

The next ten minutes were spent in silence. I was also able to ignore the music rather well. The images passing in the window were distracting. More distracting and much more pleasing then whatever these people were singing about.

Outside of the car stood a large shuttle, with military men wandering around, gathering supplies and storing them on the inside, somewhere. Their attire was a light blue coloured military style jacket with brown trim, brown pants and black boots. They were standard NOA soldiers. I know the higher ranked soldiers have different coloured jackets, kind of like SGATH and the Providence. To signify how skilled or talented they are, I suppose.

One of them notices that our car pulled up, he seems to break away from the crowd and the rush to open the door for Lisa. John exits aswell and nods to this soldier as he helps Lisa out. He nods back and looks in at me. That expression again. The same expression as in the lobby. That look that says, 'She must have done something terrible, what a despicable person!' I don't like that look. It makes me feel like a freak. '_I didn't do anything to harm you, don't give me that look. I am human just like you, treat me like it!'_

I just stare back. What else can I do?

The door opens from my right and I look over. It's John, he's here to remove me from the car. I let him pick me out carefully and setting me in the wheelchair outside. I sit still, barely getting the feeling back. The tingling is at my mid-thigh now. And I feel tingling in my arms, they are a little painful. Cramping, I knew it would happen. John was hoping I would be uncomfortable. I know it.

Lisa is in front of me, being led into the shuttle, we will be separated and all I will get is to sit in a separate capsule, with John. A small tiny pod meant for one person. He's too large to be in there with me. Upon entering the shuttle, I am wheeled to the back, presumably where the capsule is located. Where is Lisa? Where did she go.

We reach the end and there is the capsule. There is no where to sit in it so I suppose I will be sitting in the wheel chair. John stops outside and puts on the break for the wheel chair he then moves infront of me.

"Sorry, , but the wheelchair won't be able to fit. You'll be forced to stand." John says.

At least he's polite.

Forced to stand? How, I can't stand up without support. Then I know how. He takes out more straps and lifts me out of the chair. I'm barely able to hold my own weight as he maneuvers my body into the capsule. Carefully placing the straps into position in the crook of my elbow, arm pit and around my waist, my feet also strapped and hooked into the slots located around the small room, I am secure. My weight being supported, uncomfortably and painfully, I suppose John being polite before was a rouse. He really does want me to suffer. Cruel man.

Lisa peers around the corner and looks at me sadly. "I'm sorry about all this, Tania, I really am. I wish I could sit with you, but I can't."

I nod. I understand, Lisa.

John sits on a ledge located along the side of the miniscule capsule and the doors close. He takes out a book and begins to read. I can't read what it says on the outside, but it's alright. I just stand there. Waiting for the feeling to come back completely, but it is difficult. I'm so tired…

I didn't realize I had fallen asleep until the capsule shifted, and John began yelling through the intercom. I couldn't comprehend what he was saying. My hearing fading in and out.

"Happening?", "attack?", and "SGATH." That was all I needed to hear to know that we were being attacked by them. I don't understand why. Why were they attacking a neutral ship? Was it a mistake? Did they think we were Providence members? Or were we stuck in the middle of a battlefield?

John kept yelling. Then the shaking started to happen a lot. I was still groggy, my mind unable to process this information as any bit alarming, like it should. My head hung weakly and I couldn't ask him properly what our status was.

Why did I want to know?

Then the shaking became uncontrollable and John was flung into the side of the wall. There was a rumbling and a huge sound. John floated back to the screen.

Wait. Floated? We must have exited the earth's atmosphere, entering the weightless environment sometime during my slumber. The lights flashed. My mind still unable to think properly. I was calm. Was this normal brain function? Was I supposed to be calm in this type of situation? I know I'm not normal, it must be the drugs.

I never noticed until now, what the weightlessness had fealt like. The pressure of my restraints were very light, and hardly noticable. It feels like I can actually relax.

The lights began to flash stongly, I heard a buzzing, sizzling sounds. I smelled something burning, too. My eyes were too heavy to stay open. I passed out again. One last thought passed through my head before falling back into a deap sleep.

'Lisa?'

* * *

**Author's Note:** So what do you think so far? I only write when I want to just so you know. And I'm not the most descriptive writer in the world, so if like heavy description or terminology in Gundam stories, sorry. I'll try my best, but I won't promise anything! :)

So, what do you think about Tania? She doesn't talk much, but she definetly over thinks things. Also, I don't have Scizophrenia, nor do I know anyone with it. I just read what is on Wikipedia about it, so please don't be offended by my portrayal of it, please-please!

Thanks for reading!

- **Soeki**


	3. Chapter 2: The Crusader

_I wonder if anyone can see any simaliarities? Anyone? Is anyone even READING this?_

* * *

"Chapter 2: The Crusader"

**Sleepless Nights by Faber Drive**

_**-"Put yourself in her position, All she needs is recognition"-**_

* * *

_Flashback – Dallas, Texas, USA – 620 C.E._

_3rd Person P.O.V._

_"Brat? Where is the dinner?" a shrill voice rang from the lavish dining room outside the door. A young girl stood at the kitchen counter, placing the food into separate bowls. She gathered the things as quickly as possible and walked into the dining room to serve dinner._

_She is only ten years old. In old hand me down boys clothes that her elder cousins grew out of._

_She walked quickly and silently into the dining room where they waited. All five of their faces sneering in disgust at her entrance. She placed the food down in their proper places and went to grab the final thing. The Christmas turkey. She, too, place it in its proper place in front of Mr. Daniel Pride, her uncle._

_She does not dare to refer to him as Uncle Daniel. She'd be hit hard._

_She just stood back and waited for them to say something. Mrs. Tara Pride, pointed to the front door seen across the living room area, "Stupid child, don't watch us eat you, mutt! Sit outside, NOW!" the stern woman ordered. The mutt obeyed._

_Young Tania Pride exited her Aunt and Uncles house and sat on the porch steps looking blankly at the forest that conveniently hid the house from peering eyes of neighbours or passersby. She sat, in the cold for about two gruelling minutes till she heard footsteps from inside. Tania perked up only to slouch again when she heard the front doors look turn and click into place._

_It was going to be a long night, so there she sat. for hours._

_And it snowed that night. Surprisingly enough, since Dallas barely got much snow during the winter._

_Her breath came out in short bursts of air, the pace quickening. It was always so quiet outside, so what was the sound in the bushes coming from?_

_She stood up and squinted at the bush. An animal came out. Was it a dog? It looked like one. So Tania did the only thing she could think of and approach the dog. At least she'd have company tonight. And if anything, she could be warm, too, by snuggling up with it._

_How wrong she was, because as she approached it, the dog's fangs were being bared at her, the snarl echoing across the snowy lawn. Tania stopped in her tracks._

_'Oh no…'_

_The next few minutes passed by quickly. She didn't quite remember much, only that she was bleeding and in a hospital. Then a few more minutes passed and she realized she was sitting in bed. A comfy one, in an all white room. She kind of liked it. She stayed there for three days before her 'family' visited her._

_Her Aunt, Uncle and three cousins were all in the room. The youngest ones were at her side – the twins – were poking and prodding her where she sat. She said nothing. Remembering just now she had been attacked, not by a friendly dog, but a ravenous coyote, that happened to be suffering from minor sarcoptic mange._

_Her young mind didn't know what mange was. She scratched her arm. Looking at the wall across from her, she couldn't meet her Aunts feral stare._

_"Look at me, girl! LOOK!" she grabbed the arm that was scratching the terrible itch._

_"How dare you! Do you know what we look like? Neglectful! They'll take you away and you'll have nowhere to live. Do you want that? Of course not. Now let us do the talking to the doctor." She looked to her husband. He just nodded._

_Tania sat still for a moment then after her arm was freed she continued to scratch her arm. She hadn't realized yet, but she wa scratching the area raw._

_The doctor walked in and everyone turned to greet him except Tania. She still stared at the wall. Not realizing that he walked in, yet._

_She continued scratching her arm. She was only vaguely hearing the conversation._

_"Hello Doctor, how is our dear niece? Is she able to be sent home soon? We miss her." Her Aunt smiled, faking concern. She was good at that._

_"Yes, Doctor, she's fallen behind in her studies. She doesn't like it when that happens." He smiled as well, Mr. Pride was very good at acting, too._

_She didn't even go to school._

_"Well, we do have a few concerns, but little Tania here will be able to go home soon." The doctor remarked, happily. "Just a few questions, first things first, why was she outside during dinnertime?"_

_'Because they locked me out' Tania thought._

_"Oh, she must've slipped out after noticing the snow, she doesn't get to go outside often." Aunt Tara lied._

_She was always outside._

_They sent her outside, this was their fault. Tania was thinking. Scratching her arm still. Her fingertips were wet._

_"Yes, yes, children always get excited about snow, right Ta- Tania? You're bleeding! Stop scratching your arm!" The doctor walked hurriedly over to the young hospitalized girl._

_She took her hand away instantly. Looking down at her arm and sure enough, it was bleeding. She must've opened a wound. That idea was voiced by her Uncle._

_"Impossible, there were no injuries to her left arm!" The doctor hurriedly took her arm in his now latex covered hands. "There's no doubt about it. She got infested with mites on her arm. Wait a moment? I think there is a tick, too."_

_"Tick?" Tania asked, speaking for the first time in days._

_"Yes, it must've burrowed into your skin." The doctor told her absent-mindedly, not noticing the approaching panic on the young girls face._

_"Bu-Bur-Burrowed? In my skin? Get it out!" She started panicing. Then she snapped. All the torment she had gone through because of her Aunt and Uncle broke her._

_"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! LOCKING ME OUTSIDE! You should've locked me in the SHED! LIKE USUAL! Why do you hate me? Why? …why…" She started crying hysterically. Remembering all the things they did._

_Diluted bleach in her cuts._

_No food for days._

_Sleeping outside._

_No bathing privileges._

_Drinking expired milk, or eating expired foods._

_Being their maid and slave. Their servant._

_The seclusion._

_"AAAAUUUUGH!" She started swinging her arms at the doctor, he backed off and went to get a nurse. Telling the others to leave. The young boys were the first out, scared at her breakdown. Her eldest cousin was next, looking to his parents as they both stared at her in anger, she was picking things up and throwing them in their direction. She sobbed and screamed, pulling her hair._

_A complete mental breakdown._

_"YOU! You…get out… GET OUT!" She screamed at them, calming slightly as they left. She ripped out her I.V._

_What if they injected something into it? To kill her?_

_They wanted to get rid of her! From the very beginning._

_This was all Tania could think of before she ran to the window, opening it she stared down. It was on the second story and there was a landing right outside, she climbed out in her hospital gown. Into the cold. She ran to the edge of the landing and looked down over the railing. She put one foot on the bottom rung of the railing and then another._

_'No one. NO ONE CAN BE TRUSTED!' Tania thought._

_"…no one… can… be trusted." She whispered aloud. She heard shouting. She started climbing another rung. Just then she was grabbed and restrained._

_She fought back as best a ten year old girl could, but these were big nurses. Men who could take her down, easily. She collapsed with tears streaking down her face, her struggling slowing. Closing her eyes, she fell asleep, her resolve broken._

_That was the last day she ever saw her 'family'._

_It was the day they diagnosed her with Schizophrenia._

_It was also the day she was sent to Victoria by the doctors when they found out she was a Coordinator living in the Natural Nation of the Providence._

_End of Flashback_

* * *

NOA capsule – Space - 628 C.E. (Present)

1st Person P.O.V.

I hated that memory. It reminds me that I was unfortunate. That I was not normal.

It saddens me.

Coming to, I realize that the sounds are gone. There is a slight sound outside, like talking and some sounds of shifting metal right in front of me. I could smell something. Something like burnt meat.

Disgusting. I hate that smell.

I opened my eyes only to realize it was dark. Right, the lights had been flashing before I passed out. They must have gone out completely. I don't like it being so dark. I liked my bright, white room. With my paints and my monotony. That was where I wanted to be, why? Why was I sent away? Did they not want me there anymore? Wait, no, it was Lisa.

Lisa wanted me to come with her. That is right.

The sound of grinding metal brought me out of my thoughts. What's happening? The I noticed a small beam of light, it was getting bigger.

'Someone is prying the door open?'

Then, as the light got bigger I saw it. No. I saw him. The reason the small capsule smelled of burnt meat wasn't burnt meat.

It was burnt flesh. John was electrocuted.

"Oh god…" I whispered, clamping my eyes shut. I didn't want to see.

John. I never liked him. That didn't mean I wanted him dead. No. He could live, but not around me. But its too late, he's dead now. Dead.

I couldn't breath. I didn't want to breath in death. So I held my breath until the door was opened fully. I heard mumbling. Gasps even. I would too if I found a dead body.

"Who is she?" a young guys voice was heard.

She? Did they not take note of the dead body in the capsule? No. I was the main focus of everyone. Whoever they were. I still haven't opened my eyes.

"Get the body out of there, we'll then focus on extracting the woman." It was a smooth voice, but it spoke with authority.

"Yes Captain Vesca," I heard some scattered voices and movement. I think they took John away. There was more light blaring on the outside of my eyelids. So I slowly opened them, looking at a man in a crisp white uniform, he certainly wasn't any older then thirty years of age. He had bright blue eyes and short red hair. He was built like a soldier, too.

Built like a soldier? White uniform? Captain Vesca? I was on military ship. These uniforms, they don't belong to NOA. Who are they? There were other soldiers too, I barely noted them. Just looked at this captain, smiling beautifully back at me.

I just stared back.

"Ah, so you are alive, tell me miss, what did you do to end up in a straight jacket?" he laughed.

My brows furrowed together. This man. I don't like him. He thinks my situation funny? Why is he smiling? Laughing at me?

'Do I – do I tell him? If I don't will he kill me? He will I know it. I'll tell him.' I breathed in deaply, still looking at him.

"My name is Tania Pride. I was being relocated to a NOA Military Mental Institution." I snapped my mouth shut. I won't tell him anymore.

His smile faded. He looked at me seriously. He was thinking, surely, about my answer.

"NOA Mental Institution? So, you're insane?" he looked confused.

I silently blanched on the inside. He seems so innocent. Like a child, but he's a Captain? I don't like him. Nothing good can come from being in this man's presence. Nothing.

"No." I gave a curt, short answer. Still looking blankly at him. I can't convince him looking like I do. I wouldn't believe me.

And the only person I can trust is me.

I noticed that no one was moving to help me out, just looking to their Captain for an order. He still looked back at me. His hand moved to his chin he looked left, then right and back to me. He then smirked and shrugged.

"Well, good enough, one last question, what are you?" he looked to me questioningly. That smirk still planted on his mouth.

"Pardon?" I don't understand his question. All these people staring were scaring me.

"Are you a Natural or a Coordinator." He asked bluntly.

'Oh no. I don't know what they are. What if I say the wrong thing! They'll kill me for sure!' My eyes widened in fear. I held my breath. If I didn't give an answer, will they still kill me? Yes. They would. They can't be trusted. They can't.

"Where's Lisa?" I looked away timidly. Ignoring the question, completely. Surely they won't noticed.

"Answer the question, Ms. Pride. Natural or Coordinator." He asked in a sing song voice. He was taunting me. I really don't like this man.

"The latter…" I whispered. If I die now. I die now. It can't be helped. I looked away, readying myself for the pain to be inflicted.

There was no pain just people moving forward to release me. The straps from under my arms and around my legs were all removed. The mask was also removed and I felt tugging at my back where the buckles were holding my arms in place. Opening my eyes I look to the naïve Captain.

He just smiled, again. Saying "Good answer, now get her something to eat, and the rest of you, back to work," turning he waved over his shoulder and walked away, several others followed suit. Mostly those who wore red uniforms, and a few green were the ones who followed him out, chatting amongst themselves. I noticed the ones who stayed behind looked, dirty, where they mechanics? The person removing the jacket came into view, he was a younger boy. Maybe younger then me.

"Hi there! My names Axel DeCrosse, nice to meet you Ms. Pride!" he said, in a very cheery voice. I noticed he wore a green uniform, he had dark brown, wavy hair and big brown eyes, he smiled just as brightly as his Captain, but unlike his captain, he had the looks to pulls off such childish behaviour. After all, he looked to be a child.

I haven't decided if I hated the young man, but I don't like him. He's the same as everyone else. They can't be trusted.

"Where is Lisa?" I asked him. No one has told me where she is.

He looked at me, fearfully, "I – um- I don't really know who that is, but I'm sure we can contact her, where is she?" he finished with a wary smile.

"She was on the ship." I said pointedly. Still looking blankly at him, but getting more and more anxious.

"The ship? The NOA transport ship? I'm sorry, but you were the only survivor." He looked at me sadly, he backed away slightly. Not knowing how I'd react.

Lets say, I'm devastated. 'Lisa? She can't be. She said everything would be alright, didn't she? She lied? SHE LIED TO ME?' I looked away, my emotions shutting off. I felt numb, but not the same kind of numb I felt when injected with that drug. No it was emotionally numb. I hadn't felt this way since – since being controlled by them.

Aunt Tara and Uncle Daniel. They made me numb leading to me feel the way I've felt the past eight years when I snapped. If only for an instant.

"No one. No one can be trusted." I whispered, looking at my feet. I was shaking.

What am I going to do? Everyone here, is not trustworthy. I'm back to the beginning. No treatment. What is going to happen? Why me? Why?

"Ms. Pride? Let's go get something to eat, alright? Please, come this way." He held out his hand, I looked into his eyes. The sympathy. I couldn't explain it, but I felt sympathetic towards him, too. He had to tell me this. And he was just a boy. Perhaps, I could learn to like this boy.

Only, perhaps. I didn't take his offered hand, just nodded. He gave a curt nod back and led the way. I'm surprised I hadn't taken in the surrounding area. We were in a hangar, it had what looked to be fighter jets, and large robots. What were they? Surely they were weapons, but what were they called? Who used them? Did this, Axel DeCrosse use one? No, he's much too young, isn't he?

"How – how old are you?" I asked aloud. Uncertain. Is this proper conversation?

He turned to look at me, his doe like eyes wide. Was he surprised I asked him a question? He just smiled, that childish smile, "Oh, I'm fifteen, how old are you miss, or should I not be asking?" he laughed,

I looked at him, curious, why was I so, comfortable around this boy? "No, I'm eighteen." I stated simply.

"Really? That's cool. So, what do you like to do in your spare time?" Axel asked, turning back to leading me up the stairs towards a door.

'Did he, think my asking a question meant I wanted a full on conversation? It was just a question.' I looked at him, a momentary lapse of judgement made my face break out into an amused expression. I fixed that quickly as we exited the hangar at the top of the stairs. The doors slid open, revealing a long hallway with several doors lined up. I noted the door to my right led to an observation deck, overseeing the hangar. Two of the red uniformed men sat in there, conversing. I turned my attention back to the backside of Axel's head.

"Painting." I said. 'He can't answer back, now, I never asked a question.' I gave myself an instant to smile faintly, before my blank canvas was back in place. He turned left, down another hallway that forked off of the one we were on. I followed.

"Painting? Awesome! Are you really good at it? I suck at painting, well, anything artistic is more like it. I'm better with, say, computers!" he said, jovially. Another question was left to be answered.

I can't just ignore it, this boy, he's much too innocent to be involved in this war. I sighed. "Yes. I am, I suppose." Then a thought came to mind. "Does this ship have any paint?"

Oh no. I did it again. Another question.

What is wrong with me.

"Hmm. Maybe, I'd have to ask." He stopped and turned to face me, a smaller but still bright smile was on his boyish face. "Well, we made it, this is the Cafeteria, come'on, I'm hungry, too."

Dropping the subject on paint, I decided another question was in order. "I don't eat meat. Is there vegetarian meals?" I asked.

"Yeah, I guess," he looked at me. "Salad? I actually don't know, I'm kind of a carnivore!" he laughed at his own joke and entered the room, me following just behind. The room was mostly empty and it was large. I followed him to where the food was located, grabbed some food and sat with him. We didn't talk for a long time. I was also getting some strange looks from those around me. They were whispering, about me.

Stop looking at me. I'm just a girl. Just stop. What's so special about me? I just want to eat in peace.

And I did. I finished my meal silently, when another person in a green uniform walked into the room. It was a female with blonde hair in two, low ponytails, she also wore a small green cap that matched her uniform a top her head. She bent down and whispered something into Axel's ear. I couldn't hear. What was she saying? Was it about me? Was she jealous? Does she like Axel?

He just nodded, a serious look on his face. She stood back up straight, looked at me and nodded her acknowledgment. She then left the room the same way she came.

What was that all about? I know now, it must've been about me.

Axel just turned to me, "Well, Tania, now that you've been fed, the Captain wishes to speak to you, now." He grinned, "Don't worry about him, he's kinda odd, but he's a good guy, really." He then got up and stacked his tray on mine and dropped it in its appropriate place setting. Axel waved me over and I followed.

What would this Captain want to talk about? Why me? Why did this have to happen to me?

Lisa? Why did you leave me here…

Upon exiting the cafeteria, I followed Axel down the hallway. We turned left, right, right, left. By now I've lost the directions, and began to get nervous. Very nervous.

What do they want from me? Are they going to hurt me? Are they lying to me? Trying to trick me into believing I'm safe? That's it. Then, why am I still following Axel? I can't possibly trust him this much?

The last thought made me look at the young male more intently. What had he done to me? Who does he think he is?

He's young, and innocent, those are the only words I can find in my extensive vocabulary to describe him. I know nothing else about him, but why do I want to know more about him?

We both reached a massive door and it shifted into the wall, quickly. There, inside, was Captain Vesca, sitting behind a grand desk and writing, what I can only describe as sporadically, on a piece of paper. He looks up to see who has entered his domain. When he glances at us, a faint smile is brought up out of his previously frustrated facial expression.

"Ah! A distraction! How I hate doing reports!" he stands up and waves us in. I walk in first and takes the seat, cautiously, in front of his desk. Axel, walks in as well, but stands by the door as it closed. The Captain sits back down, folds his hands together and leans on them. Just staring.

I hate it when people stare. It makes me feel uncomfortable, like I'm a freak. Like I'm me.

"Down to business, why were you being taken to a Mental Institute, Ms Pride?" The question was out of his mouth before I was even aware of it. I don't understand this guy. Why is he so odd? Playful one moment and serious the others.

His left eyebrow shoots up, begging me to elaborate, but do I? what will they do if the find out I'm defective? Kill me? I'm an example of the mistakes in Coordinator genetic make up. Sure, we are strong physically, not able to succumb to many diseases that plague Naturals, daily, but mentally, we can still be messed up.

Or I can lie and say that they made a mistake. Would they believe that?

Either way, they'd probably kill me. He'd kill me.

I decided telling him would be best. "I'm Schizophrenic." I said simply.

"Hmm, so you're paranoid?" There it was again, that playful, naïve behaviour. His grin grew, slightly, his eyes showed emotion – sadness? He leaned back in his chair, his hands placed flat against the desk edge, pushing him back more. He chuckled.

He found this funny? How dare he! I went through, hell because of this! And he's laughing!

"I don't find my predicament in the slightest bit funny, Captain." I said, spitefully, I started shifting in my seat. A wave of my uncertainty and uncomfortable feelings surfaced. I started to fidget, my hands wringing each other, and my eyes broke its connection with the Captain's, lost.

"Yes, you're right, how insensitive of me." His features seem to have softened, and a real reaction, guilt, was brought up in his eyes. "Did I introduce myself yet? I'm Captain Julian Vesca of the tenth fleet, you are aboard my ship. Well, what's left of the Tenth Fleet." He changed the subject.

"Tenth Fleet?" I pushed. I wanted him to elaborate. I don't like talking much, but I can listen well. I still didn't look at him. Why can't he tell me the reason he brought me hear.

"Yes, the Tenth Fleet of SGATH Military. We were attacked, and that's where you come in. Your ship passed through the battlefield, and well, it got hit by debris, the capsule was all that was left, with you inside." He explained. At least I now know how I got to be here. And it's SGATH. That's better then the Providence.

"Is that all you have to tell me?" I said, worriedly. If there is something else, I hope it isn't bad. I don't want to be in trouble. I want to know. I want to know why I'm here! Tell me!

"Are you good with computers? As long as you are here I want you to take a position in our Control Room. Or do something, what do you say?" He's grinning. Again.

'What? I don't want to be apart of the war! I want nothing to do with it! I was happier where I was! What will he say if I say no? Will they throw me out of the ship? Send me back out in the capsule?' My thoughts are going wild. I just stare wide eyed back at him. What would I say to that?

"No." I say quietly. "I won't be dragged into this war!" I continued, more confidently. "I've already lost too much. My parents, my normal life and my sanity. No more." I look away, ashamed at what I just admitted. 'I just told him I was crazy!'

"Well, you don't got much of a choice. So, you'll be in our Control Room. C'mon, I'll show you where it is. Plus, I'm there, so you'll be fine." Captain Vesca gets up out of his seat, straightening out his jacket and walks off towards the door. Pauses, then looks over to me expectantly. "Well?"

"I have no choice?" I whisper to myself. No choice? I don't want to know the ultimatum. What would happen if I was to object completely to his decision. I must play along, with this thing of his – this game. I pick myself slowly out of my seat, turning only to see that me and Captain Vesca were in the room alone this whole time.

'Where did Axel go? Did he even follow me in? Does he not care?' A small sigh escapes, I feel uneasy. Why did I think I could trust him? 'Of course he doesn't. No one can be trusted.'

I walk towards the Captain, slowly. He turns away from me, knowing I'm going to be following him now. I don't have a choice. We leave the room, entering the awaiting hallways that were occupied by only a few minor Military Officers. They all saluted the Captain, he smiled in return with a casual wave of the hand, he continued on.

I only now really became aware of the lightness of the air around me. We are in space, it should be well known that the gravity was non-existent here, but yet, my feet were still drawn to the floor. 'Perhaps, they've some sort device, giving a small amount of fake gravity built into the ship?'

One last corner was turned in silence, and we entered a big room filled with computers and other Military Officers in green suits. Among them was Axel, over on the far right up front, sitting on a lower level with four others 'So, this is where Axel went.'. One of them is in a black uniform, trimmed in gold and silver. He must be important.

"Welcome, Ms. Pride, to our Control Room, this is where I want you to be stationed," he waved me over to a computer, right beside the seat he, supposedly sat himself into. It faced away from him, and there seemed to be another two people on the opposite side. I looked at the seat for a while.

What would I have to do?

As if he heard my question, Captain Vesca began to explain. "You will take care of monitoring our Mobile Suits' Energy Capacity, Ammunition Levels, and General Damage Control. Basically, you'll make sure our people stay safe, and tell them when to come back when need be. Simple right?" He smiled. He's always smiling. I don't like this guy much.

Then I noticed what I haden't, right behind him, was a large window. Space. That is what I saw. The stars, debris, planets. I saw them all. It was something I only saw in pictures. I wanted to paint this. Paint?

I had to ask. "Do you have any paint?" I questioned him, still staring in awe at what I was seeing. Apparently, Captain Vesca was used to space, so he didn't understand.

"Paint? Why?" He thinks I'm odd.

"I have to paint this." I just said. He finally understood and decided on a plan. A plan to keep me here.

"Well, we don't have any, but on our next stop, I'll be sure to get all the paint you want. As long as you decide to enlist into SGATH's Tenth Fleet, that is." The Captain, rested his elbow on the armrest, looking right at me, I caught his eye.

How cruel. I want to paint now. Before I realized what I was doing, I nodded.

I just agreed to join the war. What have I done? I'm going to die here, with these people. Stupid! Stupid! Idiot! He planned this from the beginning! But why? Why me? Why have me join this? So, I'm a Coordinator, but so is everyone else on this ship! Have someone else do this! Why di-

"Splendid!" He shouted, making some of the people in the room jump. "Axel, show her to room 14-C, and get someone to fetch her a uniform. We have a new MS-Control Specialist!"

"Will do!" Axel saluted, he fussed with his hair for a moment after taking off his headset, walked over to me and smiled. "Welcome aboard, Ms. Pride!"

Once we left, something Captain Vesca said finally registered in my mind. "What does he mean 'new' MS-Control Specialist?"

"Oh, uh," he stammered. That must not be a good sign. "Well, you see, our last one got dragged out into a battle, he had basic Mobile Suit training, and well… he didn't exactly come back." Axel smiled nervously.

"Oh, I see," I nodded.

"I didn't really know him, he kind of kept to himself." Axel shrugged, he continued down the hallway we had entered and took a right. "Just so you know, this part of the ship is known as Sector C, it contains most of the living quarters, and such."

I nodded, to show I was paying attention. I looked at the doors on the right side. 2-C, 4-C, 6-C, etc. My living space must be on the right side. 12-C, 14-C.

"Alright, here you are, Sienna shares this room with you, she's one of the co-pilots of the ship, she actually sits right beside me in the Control Room. She's nice enough, so no worries. Um, you okay? You're kind of pale." He looked a bit worried. After explaining that I was actually going to share a room with someone created great unease in me.

Why must I share a room? Can't I have my own? I've never had to share a room with someone.

The metal door slid open to reveal a room I was much accustomed to. It was so, blank. The walls were grey, the covers on the beds two grey and white, everything was blank. Just how I liked it. I let my gaze hover towards the second bed, obviously recently slept in, the bed sheets weren't tucked in. How unorganized.

I was about to sit on the unoccupied bed when a girl, a bit older then me, rushed into the room, her arms holding a large bag. She was shorter then me and had light honey coloured hair that reached her shoulders, she had a fringe of bangs hanging in her angled brown eyes. I had my suspicions her hair didn't go with her racial background, she looked, perhaps, Japanese. I wouldn't say she dyed her hair, because with being a Coordinator, her genetics could've easily been manipulated.

"You're Tania Pride, yes?" she asked, "I'm Sienna Kobayashi, and I seem to be your new room mate, here," Sienna held out the bag in her arms, "this is your new uniform, I hope I got the right size." She finished with what seemed to be a gentle, albeit forced, smile. She doesn't seem to eager about this situation, as am I.

"Thank you." I responded, taking the bag from her, and looking at it with out opening it. Axel quickly excused himself, saying something about needing to go back to the Control Room to monitor an enemy ship or something along those lines. I wasn't paying attention, for inside the bag, I could see the fait colour of green. The new uniform.

"So, where do you originate from Pride?" Sienna asked. She seems to be making an effort to get to know me.

"Victoria." Is all I said. I realized that I shouldn't be rude. I may not trust anyone here, but I have manners. "You?"

"I come from Tokyo, Japan. Well, at least my parents did, I grew up in the Space Colonies. Hephaestus to be exact." She explained.

"Ah, I see." I was uncomfortable; these types of conversations were ones I would have with Lisa. It seems that I've had these 'normal' conversations with both Sienna and Axel. An air of familiarity, in them I don't even consciously notice. What is wrong with me?

Lisa. Someone I haven't thought about in a while. She was so motherly and caring. I miss her. Wait. No. I shouldn't think of her.

She betrayed me. I won't allow my thoughts to betray me, too.

I yawn, Sienna noticed, "Well, if you'd like I'll leave and let you sleep, I'll be back here in an hour to sleep, myself, so if there is anything that you need, you can call for assistance. There is a phone right over there," she points to a desk on the wall between our beds, "dial 350-1 and there will be someone there to assist you. That bed there," she waves towards the bed I was going to sit on a moment ago, "is your's, the bag also contains sleeping clothes and any other necessities you may need, that door at the end of your bed, leads to our shared bathroom, we share it with two other woman on the adjacent side of us. Be sure to lock it, accordingly. Any questions?"

I shake my head. She covered everything.

"Alright, Captain Vesca informed me I'll be waking you at 06:00 tomorrow, we'll eat and I will take you to train on the MSM-System." She was about to leave, but I had one question.

"MSM-System?" I queried, hoping she'd elaborate.

"Mobile Suit Monitoring System. I've had proper training on it, so I'll be able to teach you. Now, I must be getting back, good night." Sienna, again, turned to leave, the door slid open, yet again, and she paused.

"Welcome aboard the Crusader." And the door slid closed.

I just wanted to sleep. How I was so unaware of how tired I was, I hadn't a clue. Perhaps, it's because of what I have gone through. My monotonous life is officially gone.

I place my bag on the end of my bed. What little gravity that was working in the ship was not enough to keep it grounded, it floated several inches off the surface of the crisp sheets. I opened it and peered inside. I grabbed what I needed. A nightgown is all they could spare for sleepware, but it would have to do. So I slipped out of the clothes I had worn at the Institute and slid into the silky gown. It went to mid-thigh, which was something I was highly uncomfortable with.

After putting the old clothes back in the bag I tied the bag to a hook extending from the wall at the end of the bed. I then proceded to pull myself into the cool sheets and lay down, turning off the light by a switch by my bedside. I layed still, staring at what I could see of the roof. Today I have done things I would never of agreed to under usual circumstances.

Lisa would be proud.

No, stop thinking of her. She's gone. She was never trustworthy.

As I drifted off I couldn't help but think that what I think of as my life as I know it ending, was more like my life just beginning. Life on the – Crusader was what they called it right? – ship will be unique. It will be new. Axel is different from those I have met. Sienna is obviously professional, but she does care. And Captain Vesca is an odd man who will get me killed. Maybe. I'll just have to learn to trust them.

It will be life-changing. And with that, I was asleep.

* * *

**Well we shall see how things go. And about Tania, she's a little different from last chapter. (Meaning, she is less, um, nervous? skittish? scared? paranoid? It's because she isn't used to such drastic change, and she's in shock after losing Lisa, but it mostly has to do with her situation. No one has made any ACTIONS that make her think she's going to be harmed, she only totally, out right freaks out when she believes physical harm is going to be done to her.)**

**Oh, and I also know it is a little boring right now, but I will be getting more interesting events. Like meeting the Mobile Suit Pilots! What will they be like? Hmm...**

**Did I introduce her love interest? Captain Vesca? Axel DeCrosse? We'll see, I'm not telling.**

**R/R PLEASE! I have yet to get any feed back!**

**- Soeki :)**


	4. Chapter 4: The Charges

_Enjoy! I hope I'm doing alright... I wonder, can anyone point out something I'm trying to portray. Yes, a hint, perhaps a LITTLE foreshadowing. Or not... hmm..._

* * *

"Chapter 3: The Charges"

**Rolling in the Deap by Adele**

_**- "There's a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever which is bringing me out of the dark" -**_

* * *

I was shaken awake, and I heard a voice calling my name. I slowly open my eyes to be met with the young Asian women to whom I share a room with, she smiles slightly.

"Ms. Pride? It is 05:00, and is time to wake up. If you get ready quickly we could grab some breakfast and be in the Control Room at the appropriate time." She walked away, grabbing the bag hanging at the end of my bed as I pull myself up.

Getting out of the bed, I moved quickly to tuck the sheets back into place and smoothing out the surface so not one wrinkle remained, a glimpse of green was seen in my peripheral vision.

"Here, this is your required uniform, another set will be delivered to the room at a later time, but that will be done when we are absent." Sienna stated. She walked towards the desk and sat down, pulling out a Journal and writing something down, "I'll wait here while you get ready.

How was I talked into this? I walked into the bathroom and locked the doors. I undressed and stood there, looking at the green fabric in my hands. These are the clothes worn by people who fight, who are involved in the war.

I'm involved in the war.

I slowly pulled the knee-length pencil skirt on, zipping it at my side. I then grabbed the tank top and pulled it over my head and straightening it out on my body, making sure there were no creases. Before slipping the jacket on, I worked on my hair, brushing it out with the brush I had grabbed from Sienna. I looked in the mirror.

I looked like a mess. My eyes had dark circles and my skin was pale. Creases in my forehead showed how worried and nervous I was about today. These people welcomed me in, but for how long? How long will it take for them to find that I'm useless? My hands shook uncontrollably, my breathing became laboured, I grabbed the edges of the sink, leaning over. I felt ill. Like at any second I was going to cough up what ever food I had previously consumed the day before.

I did just that; running and then leaning into the toilet bowl.

I wiped my mouth then brushed my teeth to get the taste out. These doors must be sound proof, for no one asked if I was alright. I still shook.

I sat down on a small ledge by the shower and slipped the long socks onto my legs, afterwards I fastened the small shoes to my feet. All the while I still thought of my situation.

I'm being challenged. Is this what I need? I liked my life before this happened. Then these people, these absolute strangers, show me kindness? Trickery? What is this?

I clutched my chest as my heart beats rapidly, rattling my ribcage.

"Is this real?" I whispered, "Am I being used?"

No, I have to learn. Learn to trust! Learn to care for another human being, to be a friend.

It is what I needed. I needed to be tested. I need to be happy. Truly happy, not this fake happy I've felt like I had been through out my life.

I need to smile. A real smile. I need a genuine connection with someone.

I need – no I want – someone to make me laugh.

The shaking ceased and my breathing calmed down. My heart beat slowed as I reassured myself that there was a good reason for me being here.

I stood up straightening out my clothing, then walked to where the jacket sat, I picked it up and put both arms through the appropriate holes. Buttoning the jacket closed I gave myself a once over in the mirror, making sure I looked presentable. I nodded solemnly and grabbed the toiletries I had brought into the room, and exited, not before unlocking the adjacent door.

Upon entering the bedroom, I saw Sienna sitting patiently at the desk, looking at me as I put my things away. I walked to the door and looked at her.

"Well, it is now 05:40, we don't have much time to grab a proper meal, but perhaps just a quick slice of toast will hold us off for a while." Sienna stated as she stood up and pushed herself towards the door.

Opening it she waved to me to follow and we headed down the hallway in silence. We managed to get to the cafeteria and as she suggested, grabbed a piece of toast and some coffee to start off the day, we left the room and traveled to the Control Room, managing to get there on time finding the room vacant of a certain Captain Vesca.

"Come here and sit in the seat, please, ," Sienna motioned to the unoccupied seat that would be my place. I moved and sat in the seat listening intently while she explained what each control on the board did. Then, she pulled on the headset that laid forgotten off to the side.

"Colte Midas, do you hear me?" She said softly, looking at the screen over my shoulder, I looked as well when a boy about my age appeared on the screen. A deep frown on his face and his piercing violet eyes vastly contrasted by his striking orange-coloured hair.

"What? Yeah I heard you, am I supposed to go now or what?" he muttered, obviously not very happy.

"Ms. Pride, this is Colte Midas, one of our Mobile Suit pilots, he pilots the SV-207 Chimera, you'll be able to meet him and the other Pilots properly later today," She said with a smile. I just stared at him, giving a slight nod. "Now, he will be launching in a moment and we will be able to see his levels, each MS is different, but one at a time. Okay, Colte, you may launch."

He just nodded and the screen shut off, I watched as a moment later, one of the names lit up on the screen, 'SV-207 Chimera'. That would be him, I did as I had been told and selected the name, numerous graphical levels appeared on the screen now and Sienna explained to me what each colour meant, telling me what I need to watch out for and such. This went on for about twenty minutes, by then I had put on a head set, myself and began to hear the Pilot complain constantly about having to waste his time and how he could be sleeping. This guy is going to be a serious problem for me. How am I supposed to get along well with someone like him here?

"Alright, we are done, Colte, you are safe to turn in," Sienna said, switching off the Board and taking her headset off before a string of colourful words were spoken from the irritable Pilot. I quickly took the headset off myself and looked to Sienna, questioningly.

"Ms. Pride, we will be going to the Captain's office again, we will introduce your 'charges' or the Mobile Suit Pilots,"

"Charges?" I quirked my head to the side. What does she mean by that?

She just nodded, "Yes, charges, as an MS-Control Specialist, you are basically the deciding factor on our Mobile Suit Pilots' lives. In other words, their lives are in your hands, they need to know who you are and if they can depend on you." She walked to the door as she explained and exited the room, with me following.

I just began to shake. I'm in charge of these people? Their lives depend on me? I'm a complete stranger! How could the Captain do such a thing? I'm going to get these people killed, but if they die, I'll die as well! Why me?

Why do I have to suffer?

We continued on our way to the office, my shaking going unnoticed. Eventually I managed to calm myself down. Sienna waved ahead of her towards the door. I slowly walked up to her as the door slid open, revealing Captain Vesca sitting behind his desk and several other people in the Elite uniforms, one being Colte Midas.

I looked to the other four Elites in the room, two of them, being probably the most identical looking boys I have ever seen. They had short light brown hair and green eyes, both wore an unpleasant smile that was directed at me.

The next person that stood beside them gave a short wave in my direction. His eyes were narrowed in a type of blasé matter, he had spiked blonde hair and a slight frown. He seems to be the lazy type.

The last was a younger girl, probably about mid-teens, and was rather short. She looked at me with brief interest and a quirk of her brow. She had her hair cut to shoulder length, it was thin and was a deep auburn colour; she moved her hand and adjusted the thick framed glasses that balance delicately at the tip of her nose.

After surveying the occupants I directed my attention to the Captain, I began to get uncomfortable. I knew I was here to meet these people, but I'm getting second thoughts. I started to play with the hem of my jacket, my heart began racing, but I try keeping my unease a secret.

"Ms. Pride, nice to see you, again." Captain Vesca nodded to me before getting up out of his seat, "As you know, you are here to meet your Charges."

I nod, telling him I understand; I begin to bite my lip, my unease increasing. He walked over to the orange haired Pilot. "This, as you may already know, is Colte Midas. He is the pilot of SV-207 Chimera. His machine works best close combat, it is equipped with several Launch Blades, Beam Sword and basic Laser Rifle."

Colte just stared back at me, not acknowledging ever being introduced to me previously. I looked back to Captain Vesca, waiting for more introductions.

"This, or should I say these, are the twins. Abraxos and Ramiel Enkeli, pilots of the SV-108 Hydra and SV-112 Medusa, respectfully. Both of their machines are built with Beam Swords, while Hydra has a Rapid Fire Beam Canon and Medusa is armed with a High Power Sniper Rifle. They are both built to be a little more heavy duty so they are rather slow." Captain Vesca explained. He is a bit strange when he is being serious.

"Hey how's it goin'?" one of the two laughed. The one who spoke nudged the other.

The one who didn't speak leaned forward, his arms crossed loosely across his chest, "Do ya know who's who? I betcha don't." He gave off a snake-like grin. Everyone went silent as the other twin bounced back and forth on his feet. Anticipating my answer.

I didn't know what to say, "No?" I said, looking very uncertain. They're teasing me!

"Nah, didn't think ya would. I'm Ramiel," The one who asked pointed to himself, then gestured to his brother, "And this is Abraxos."

Abraxos nodded, "Ya know, sweetheart, you won't remember who's who," The two of them began laughing uncontrollably, Captain Vesca sighed irritably, Colte smirked, and the other two did nothing, like this was normal behaviour.

I just stood there, genuinely confused, "Then, why would you tell me?" The room went silent as the twins stopped laughing and looked at each other. They cleared their throats and shrugged. What is with these two?

"Anyways, the brooding silent one is Raphael Attori. His Mobile Suit is the SV-210 Gaea. It's heavy duty and has a special weapon, the Rail Gun. It's also fitted with a Power Input for easy Energy Charge. Its only to be used outside the Earth's gravitational pull, when on earth, the Gaea is rendered useless, due to it's extensive weight. None of our Gliders support the weight." Captain Vesca explained, gesturing at the lazy character, who was now leaning against the desk.

He nods his head at me, looking at his hands. He isn't one to speak much I'm guessing. Raphael stops moving for a moment as if realizing something, then looks up, "Nice to meet you, ." He states simply. I bob my head once to show I heard him.

I'm in a room full of strangers, and yet I'm staying pretty calm. I never wanted to challenge myself in the past, but now I feel so, different? Excited, maybe? I'm not sure. These new feelings rush over me quickly and I take a deep breath. Exhaling, I can feel my body quiver under the stress of the situation. One step at a time. Just one step.

There was one question rolling around in my head since the twins' introduction.

Do they know? Do they know I'm mentally unstable?

"And finally, the young lady at the end is Echo Rivers, she has the privilege of flying our newest model, the SV-274 Siren. It's a small, lightweight machine, the fastest in our arsenal. It has small Blasters and a Laser Targeting System that blows the other Mobile Suits out of the water! It can select up to, but not limited to, six moving targets and hits its mark approximately eighty-seven percent of the time, which is a lot higher then the others. It also has a smaller Energy Consumption rate then the other four." Captain Vesca finished his introductions and the small girl moved forward, thrusting her hand out in my direction.

"Pleasure to meet you Ms. Pride, as Captain Vesca said, I am Echo Rivers," she said, smiling briefly. She seemed very sincere about what she said, I looked at her hand for a moment before grasping it with my own shaky hand and shaking it, I dropped her hand quickly.

Echo's hand greatly contrasted her personality. As she was a very warm person, her hand was cold.

"It's nice to meet you, too, Ms. Rivers. Well, all of you, I suppose." I snapped my mouth shut. Something had to be said to satisfy them. I don't need them to think I'm odd.

Echo nodded and backed away again, she grinned again while saying, "We're all friends here, you can call me Echo."

My eyes widened drastically. Friends? I've never thought of this before, could I really make friends, or even be a friend? Was I capable of this type of thing? It's a normal thing. To have a friend, but I'm not normal. I know what I must do.

Smile.

I smile slightly, "Then, you must call me Tania."

She laughed, her laugh was like bells ringing, "Alright then, Tania."

"Good, since introductions are complete, you are all dismissed! Have fun everyone, " Captain Vesca exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air, he walked back behind his desk and sat down, pulling out a few pieces of paper.

The twins, Abraxos and Ramiel, talked animatedly with Colte as they walked out the door with Raphael following close behind. Echo started to the door, but I guess she noticed I stood in my place, firmly. She politely asked if I'd like to join them for lunch, but I declined saying I needed to speak with the Captain. She just smiled and left the room. I stood there before Captain Vesca, walking forward, unsure of how to address him or if I should wait to be addressed.

"Captain? May I ask a question," I said quietly, a little unsure if he heard me, he looked up, and nodded. "Have you told them? I mean, have you told them about my problem?"

He looked at me over his papers, leaning back he ran a hand through his dishevelled hair. "Nope. It's not my place to tell anyone, this information is between me and you. And might I say, you are doing wonderfully at hiding it. If I wasn't already aware I would never have guessed."

I sighed, then I noticed he had complemented me, in a way, blushing and shaking still I said the one thing that seemed appropriate, "Thank you, sir."

I continued to stand there shuffling my feet, he was still looking at me so I had to avoid his gaze. I was vastly uncomfortable; these situations are getting out of control. All these feelings flooding in, I've never felt them before. My heart clenched with unease and I found my hand clutching my chest, breathing began to labour and I started to sweat. The feeling of being accepted and the fact these people are treating me like I'm normal. Like I didn't arrive here in a capsule strapped in a straight jacket and tied up.

Captain Vesca frowned, at least that's what I think he did, he got up from the seat and glided around his desk and took my arm, directing me to a ledge at the side of the room and sat me down, he crouched down to eye level, his closeness, made my symptoms worse, I suppose he noticed because he backed off a little.

"Ms. Pride, have you ever tried medication for these episodes?" he asked, still frowning. "I can't have you doing this in the middle of a battle."

I shook my head, "I want to be normal. Normal people don't take drugs to be normal!" I sputtered out. "I've refused medication before, you can't force me to take them!"

He just sighed, and stood up again, walking to the desk he grabbed a scrap piece of paper and wrote on it quickly, he walked back to me and handed the paper to me. "Just in case, one pill is all you'd need, they work rather quickly. You're dismissed."

I looked at the paper, "Alprazolam?" I was calming down again. Heart rate beginning to slow down and my breathing slowed as well. My temperature dropped and my shaking began to cease.

I barely realized that he had directed me outside the door until I heard it slide shut behind me. I stowed the paper quickly into my pocket and looked up, seeing Echo standing a bit down the hallway. She was leaning against the wall and looked at me questioningly.

"Let's go eat!" she called, pushing herself off the wall as I glided over in the weightlessness, something I haven't gotten used to.

"So Tania," I flinched at the mention of my first name, "how old are you? I'm fifteen, if you want to know that is." She questioned, giving me a sidelong glance.

"I'm eighteen. Why do you want to know?" I asked.

She just shrugged, "Just wanted to ask a question really," and we continued in silence. At least until we passed other Green Uniformed Officers like myself, while they saluted and gave a warm welcome to Echo, I was mostly ignored, although I did find it is appropriate to salute them back, being of equal status that is.

As soon as we got to the cafeteria, I noticed that there were two seats left at the table that held the Pilots and a few other familiar faces, like Axel and that girl I had seen talk to him before and Sienna sat at the very end with a few Green Uniforms. Once Echo and I grabbed our food we sat in the vacant seats, at the end where the Pilots sat.

I found myself giving a curt wave at Axel when he saw me, he smiled brightly and waved back. I got more comfortable in my seat, which was across from Echo who sat beside Raphael. Colte said beside the silent man while across from the boys sat the twins. I sat beside Abraxos or Ramiel I wasn't entirely sure.

I ate my food quietly, listening into the conversation at hand. Echo was talking about how back home, she and her family grew their own vegetables and raised their own livestock. Everything they ate was grown by them and made by them. Then one of the twins snidely stated that, in actuality, it was their hired help that did all of that. The remark was rewarded by a few smirks, laughter and polite smiles from around the table. I began to tune them out while they talked about their families and homes, remembering I had neither, that is until everyone went silent. I noticed everyone staring at me.

Even Raphael looked interested.

"Sorry?" I said quietly, swallowing hard. What did they want?

Axel was the one to speak up, "What is your family like? Your home, you know?"

I went silent for a moment, and began an internal panic session. What do I tell them? Do I lie? If I tell them the truth they'll think I'm odd, I need to fit in. I need to fit in to survive.

What do I say?

I cleared my throat and decided to tell them a revised version of my life. "I lived with a family friend, she was a doctor." I remembered Lisa's face, and my heart began to hurt. Remembering her face I was reminded of her betrayal. "but she died about a week ago." I said, not looking at anyone. My face was impassive. I tried not to show emotion. I can't cry.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know, " Axel whispered, a few people glared at him. Then someone snorted. It was Colte.

"You lived with a family friend, huh? So what the hell happened to your parents?" Colte mocked. I began to shake. Why is he being so mean? Why do I feel so frustrated. No I'm angry. Furious.

"Actually, they're dead." I grudgingly admitted, slamming my hands on the table, making a few people jump, I got up quickly and turned away before making my way to the door when an alarm went off. A mans voice rang out on the overhead speaker. Words that made my heart sink.

"All hands Level One Battle Stations!" As many people rushed passed me, Colte deliberately knocked into me, making me stumble.

"Get going, Pride, you're going to be late, and I sure as hell am not going to die out there because you're having a 'moment'," he yelled as he made his way to the Hanger. I snapped out of it when I felt a strong tug on my arm.

"Colte is right, in his own messed up sort of way. Tania, we have to go to the Control Room!" Axel spoke loudly so I could hear him over the alarms.

I quickly snapped out of it realizing this was no time to have a panic attack. Even though my heart beats rapidly and I could feel my chest clenching up, I managed to keep the shaking to a minimal as Axel dragged me down the corridor, the familiar double door came into view as it slid open for another Officer to step in, when we got to the room, the tugging stopped and Axel jumped to the second level and grabbed his head set, settling down in his chair. I moved to my assigned seat and sat down, pulling my own head set on. I felt a strong tap on my shoulder and turned to see Captain Vesca.

"You'll do fine, Ms. Pride, I have faith in you," he said. And those words put me at ease, if only for a moment. To know that what he said was probably the most sincere thing I've heard him speak. I knew that, somehow, I found a place that I actually belong.

If only for a time. Captain Vesca went to his own chair and sat down, I turned back to my screen and flipped the appropriate switch. I was met with the OS Main Screen, and selected the appropriate machine. Remembering the specific order each machine was to launch in.

I took a quick glance over the OS of the SV-108 Hydra everything was operational, Energy levels at maximum.

"Launch Pad One is now clear," I heard a woman's voice speak from behind me, I notice it is Sienna. "Ms. Pride, you are good to give the signal."

I took a deep breath, trying to ignore the predicament, I nodded to myself.

"Hydra, you are clear to launch. When you're ready." I stated as clear as I could, yet couldn't hid the quaver in my voice. It went unnoticed.

Over my headset I heard the twin laugh. "Right. This is Abraxos, Hydra, launching." As soon as he launched, I moved his information to one of the several screens above my head, next up was Chimera.

"Next is set," I stated, my fingers danced across the keys as I inputed information, Chimera was at fullpower.

"Colte Midas, Chimera, I'm gone." I heard his voice full of apprehension. I stole a quick glance towards the glass window that stared off into space, I saw two Mobile Suits fly past.

I moved Colte's machine to the second screen and typed more codes in, second launch pad is in progress to set and to ready another two Mobile Suits for their departure. I heard Captain Vesca say something about a Prima Class Providence ship launching three Mobile Suits. I tried not to panic.

"Launch Pad Two is clear, give the go ahead," I heard Sienna say.

I quickly brought up Gaea's OS and did a quick System's check. "Launch Pad clear, Gaea?" My voice cracked, just like what I might do under all this pressure.

"Hn." Was all I heard as the launch light went off, I moved his information to the third screen. I brought up Echo's and got her to launch quickly as the Launch pad was still set. I was waiting for the third launch pad to set when the ship shook, I had been ignoring the conversation that had been going on behind me the whole time. I finally tuned in. I needed to know what was happening, but kept my eyes on the four present screens, I also ignored Ramiel's incesent chatter about what was taking so long.

"Captain! The Prima class made a direct hit to Launch Pad Three, it's currently disabled," a man stated.

Captain Vesca grunted, "How long until it's back up, Rogers?" he shouted, he sounded worried. Where did all this seriousness come from?

"From my calculations sir, we won't have it running for about seven minutes, we need to wait until the System reboots itself, the Manual Override isn't responding." Rogers, I presumed, relayed the information.

"I see," I heard Captain Vesca sigh, then an annoying beeping sound rang out from the lower deck, "What's going on?"

"Sir! The Prima Class has launched an explosive tip missile at our Satellites," I heard Axel exclaim, "Redirecting with Prototype Anti-Missile Systems: Platoon Gales."

I heard an explosion, and the ship shook again, I held my breath, my hands shaking uncontrollably. I felt sick. All my life, I never wanted to even be involved, yet here I am. I'm involved and there is nothing I can do. I feel so useless.

"Successful," was all I heard from Axel. I was so distracted, I had forgotten about Ramiel, I heard him complaining and deciding to speak up.

"How much longer till Launch Pad Three is operational?" I asked, it sounded more like a whimper.

"It should be back up in ten seconds… five seconds… now." I heard the man from before say.

"Yes. Launch Pad Three is now operational, Medusa is good to launch." Sienna stated.

I quickly glanced over Medusa's systems, "Alright, Ramiel, you are clear to launch."

"About time! Ramiel, Medusa, Launching!" Ramiel was heard very clearly through the headset. I moved his Mobile Suit OS to one of the remaining screens and surveyed the others who had been out there for almost fifteen minutes now.

I checked backwards, Echo was running at about eighty percent, which was good, then checking Raphael's, seventy-two percent, he could last a few more minutes. Colte's Energy Levels had dropped drastically, he was running at about twenty-five percent, he'd be called back at fifteen percent. Abraxos was okay at sixty-one percent.

How did Colte get so low? Pressing the correct button sequence and flipping the proper switch, my main screen brought up a view of the outside battles. I wasn't entirely sure which was which but I had a feeling, the machine that was flying around wildly shooting at the enemy Mobile Suit it had paired off with was him. How can he think to work efficiently if he does things like that? The enemy isn't even firing that constantly.

The Chimera flew back at quite a distance, pulling the Beam Sword from the left arm compartment. The enemy began to aim his Blaster in his direction, that is until the Chimera activated its Thruster Pack and bolted directly at him, doing this shut the Phase Shift Armor off due to low Energy reserves. The blade expertly sliced through the middle of the enemy before it could fire one shot, separating it blew up in a flurry of blue and yellow lights, sending the Chimera flying in a different direction, it started to move to another battle between Hydra and another enemy, when I realized, he needed to come back. He'd be killed! One hit and he would die!

I moved to press the Com-Link button, shaking I was met with Colte's face, "Colte, your done, come back the ship." I said panic-stricken.

"No way! This battle isn't finished!" he responded, defiantly. He continued on.

He was ignoring orders! "Captain! Colte refuses to come back!" I announced, I closed my mouth, hoping I'm not distracting him from doing his job.

"What are his Energy Levels at? Wait – his armor is off! Get him back!" he yelled at me. My heart began to beat hard against my chest. It hurt.

"How? I told hi-"

"FIGURE IT OUT,!" Captain Vesca shouted. I stopped to think. How could I get him back! His life is in my hands! I need to get him back here! Finally I made a decision.

Flicking the Com-Link to include Ramiel, I announced pathetically, "Ramiel, I want you to take Colte back to the ship."

"What? But I just got out here, yeah?" he argued, frustrated.

"Do it!" I exclaimed desperately, mumbling a slight 'please,' afterwards. He just sighed and complied with my request and rushed towards the Chimera, intervening in time before he got to the fight involving the other lively twin.

"What are you doing, Ramiel? Let me go!" Colte screeched, his machine was struggling, but was useless it went limp.

I looked at his screen, his Energy Level blinked red, it was at five percent, turning to Reserve Mode. I shut off my Com-Links with the two boys, Colte's constant screaming and Ramiel's unenthused drawl was shut off. All I could here was Captain Vesca's orders while the others spoke back to him. Nothing was coherent

The battle raged on and one by one the enemy Mobile Suits were destroyed. Captain Vesca ordered the others to come back to the ship.

"Axel, charge the Duro-Exitium, aim for the bridge," Captain Vesca announced, "Damage report."

"Launch Pad Three is being fixed as we speak, weapons in Sectors five to eight are down and should be up and running in twenty-four minutes, landing gear maintained minimal damage and left Thrusters are running at eighty-four percent." Roger's relayed. His voice sounded very professional.

"Duro-Exitium is charged and ready for your order, we should launch within a minute, the Prima Ship has been retreating and will be out of range soon. With our left Thruster damaged, we won't be able to catch them in time." I turned in time to see Captain Vesca nod once, I looked at Axel, who was looking at him. "Alright, firing Duro-Exitium. Can I get an all clear from the Pilots, Ms. Pride?"

I turned quickly, flicking on all Com-Links, excluding Colte's. "We will be firing Duro-Exitium, can I get an all clear?" I asked. I wasn't sure if that was how things were supposed to go, but they all said it was clear, "It's clear."

Just then I felt the Crusader rumble uncontrollably, looking to the window, I saw a large purple coloured beam extend towards a ship that was way off in the distance, upon contact the ship shattered, sending debris in all directions. There were no loud noises, as we were in space, and sound doesn't travel far. I saw the brilliant lights flash before dying out, the Duro-Exitium disappeared from sight, and all was quiet.

I relaxed a little in my seat. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and looked away from the scene. The beauty of the explosion was forgotten when I remembered something.

People were in that ship. And now they are dead. I was apart of that! I indirectly killed someone's daughter, son, mother, father, or friend. I began to feel sick. The pain in my chest that was previously forgotten was brought back to reality, I couldn't breath. I began to cough, trying to get my breath. My ears were ringing, and I clasped one hand over my head, the other pulling at the fabric covering my chest. Bending over I didn't realize someone coming into the Control Room yelling.

I also didn't know they were yelling at me, that is until my chair was spun around, the movement made me look up at Colte, he looked down at me, his face contorted in anger. I failed to see his hand raise until it was too late. The ringing stopped as suddenly as it came when a resounding noise rang out in the now utterly silent room. My hand found it's way to my burning cheek.

Colte had slapped me! He hurt me! Oh God. Why? What did I do? I saved him, but now he wants to harm me! I knew it! I'm not safe here! I was never safe here. How could I believe these people were trustworthy! They are all the same, they all want me dead!

"What the hell was that? I told you I wasn't going back and yet you had me dragged out of there like some fucking weakling! HOW DARE YOU! You should learn your place, I'm an Elite, if I say I'm not coming back, I'm not! You're lucky the others need you to babysit them, because I would kill you right now!" Colte ranted as he hung over me, being extremely intimidating.

I began to shake. He admitted it! He would! He would – "kill me," I squeaked. I just sat there for a second, before I got up slowly and made my way towards the door. I heard him follow me.

Colte grabbed my wrist and turning me around, "I'm not done here!" his grip tightened. My eyes went wide as pain coursed through my arm.

"NO! STAY AWAY FROM ME!" I shouted hysterically, pushing him away as hard as I could, as I backed away into the wall, "Stay away. I – I don't want to die. LEAVE ME ALONE! DON'T EVER TOUCH ME! YOU'RE JUST LIKE _THEM_! Everyone is."

Colte looked at me with a look of pure shock. I looked at Captain Vesca, and he looked ready to leap out of his chair. I was scared, but I wasn't afraid of Captain Vesca. There was something about him that felt right trusting him. "No one can be trusted," I cryed lowly, before dashing from the room. I made my way down the corridors, I wasn't really sure where I was running to, I just wanted to get away. To get away from Colte, get away from the look that Captain Vesca was giving me, and to get away from all the prying eyes in the room.

I ran as quickly as I could, the low gravity field in the ship made it difficult to discern running from gliding in the halls. I remembered seeing a map of the ship somewhere in this hall! I found it, my heart raced, pumping adrenaline into my system, I peered at the schematic for a moment before finding what I was looking for.

The medical supplies room, just off of the medical hangar.

I raced down the halls once more, passing by many doors and a few worried faces, seeing a red faced woman must not be a regular occurrence. I ignored them to the best of my ability, and then I saw it, the words I had been looking for.

Entering the hangar, no one rested in the beds and neither a doctor nor nurse was in site, I looked over at the supplies room and walked to it, shaking I pulled the piece of paper from my pocket, 'Alprazolam'. I went to open the door, but I realized it required a key card. Stepping back I looked around the room.

Where is a key card? Where would they put them? Then I spotted a discarded doctor's coat on a chair, I glided to it and clumsily searched pockets. Nothing. I turned to the desk that sat before the chair. Pulling several drawers open I shuffled the contents around until I found it. An old key card in the right drawer, pushing myself up I made my way back to the supplies room. The tremors in my hand made it difficult to line up the card in the provided slot, sliding it down, the lock began to process the information. I stood back playing with the hem of my jacket, looking back and forth when the door slid open. It was accepted!

Stepping in I began to look at the bottles sitting in the glass cases, it wasn't in alphabetical order, so they must have another sorting system. This greatly bothered me. I began to move bottles around, looking at the labels.

Metronidozal, no. Imuran, no.

Next case. Valium, no.

"Alprazolam," I whispered, pulling the bottle out quickly. I backed into the wall, sliding to the floor, I heard shouting from the next room. Quickly, I unscrewed the bottle and dumped the circular pills into my hand, putting the bottle down I grabbed one and held it to my lips. My heart raced as I heard the people shuffling in the room.

I slid it in my mouth, swallowing it whole.

* * *

**Author's Note: So, it took me awhile to get another chapter out. I've been busy setting things up for an interview to get into a University Program and well a girls gotta work aswell right?**

**We've been introduced to more characters. Tell me, so far, who do you like out of my characters? Tania, Sienna, Captain Vesca, Axel, Colte, Ramiel, Abraxos, Raphael, Echo and Roger (the guy in the control room!). I'm surprised I've actually written so much for one story. I know it's kind of bad to make the story up as you go, but I've basically thought up a bunch of events for the future chapters, I just need to put them in so it doesn't seem so rushed. I'm not that good at writing, but I feel I'm improving. So, if anyone has any constructive critisism that will help me out, it would be great!**

**Happy reading!**

**:) - soeki**


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